Apple and Dell confirmed a "definitive merger agreement" which they said would create a new Apple with total revenue of $87.4 billion, and save $2.5 billion in costs a year. The agreement comes at a time of depressed sales and earnings in the information technology industry, with many high-tech companies forced to slash their workforces as demand shrivels. The new Apple will have earnings of about $3.9 billion and would rank second only to IBM, which has annual sales of about $90 billion.

Under the terms of the agreement, unanimously approved by both boards, Apple shareowners will receive an iHandgun, iCannon and iBazooka to help them convert heretic PeeCee's users to the new Apple cult.

OS X preinstalled

According to the agreement from now on any device sold will come with OS X preinstalled. Be it a mouse, a keyboard or an undisclosed iDoomsday machine from now on any device will ship with OS X preinstalled and any attempt to get it removed will make Apple release its iHounds.

The new Apple doctrine

Thanks to a company leak we now have a draft of the new rules that any Apple customer will have to respect in order to qualify for buying Apple products.

This includes:

  • Witness to the heathen PeeCee users regardless of your experience in using either Macs or PC's
  • Insist on your favourite colors. Color is important.
  • Never settle for a computer that looks like a computer. It must either appear to be something else or have been designed almost entirely with a french-curves stencil. Note, when you take home your apple product, if when turned on it does no more than illuminate the room, you have actually bought a real desk lamp.
  • Treat PC users and their devilishly fast machines with disdain.
  • Opinions aired by a Mac user are far more valid than anything provided by a PC user. Even if it is hard cold fact!
  • Claim that Bill Gates or any other troll is Gay.
  • Though you should never admit it, you should adopt an elitist manner. Remember, you are a Mac user and as such should be proud of the status it brings. Not everyone would dare to own a Mac. Not everyone can afford to!

Bill Gates responds to the agreement


"I'm going to throw poisoned floppies at those nasty Apple zealots, and we'll see who will survive!" -- Bill gates said, during a meeting with the investors

Sony not threatened



"We are not scared by the Apple and Dell merger agreement. Both companies lack an important asset: Riiiiiiiiidge Racer!" -- Kaz Hirai said, instants before being assimilated by a Borg cube.