Personally I think Apple's competitors should resurrect something along the lines of Sprint's "connectile dysfunction" ads from a few years ago.

 

 

Instead of broadband coverage, it can feature a hapless businessman who keeps losing his connection because he's holding his iPhone the wrong way. Perhaps with the commentator scolding the poor fellow about his inability to keep his bars "up" and his inability to "perfom" basic functions like talking to a customer or sending an email.