I still don't see why Windows 8 apps need to run on iBaubles or Android. Why? Can you explain it?

Because it aren't Windows 8 apps. It are apps.

Second, where did people get the idea that every application can be shoved into a browser? Does this application make sense in a browser? Apparently we now need to funnel every single user experience through a browser as web app that by definition has to take a lowest-common-denomiator approach.

That one should not run in a browser, that's why i think they will never drop WPF or .NET. But it's a good thing they allow windows to have more of these smaller gadgets or apps, which don't require WPF to build them. There are tons of those, that are used more and more, today.

Worse, some web-app centric people think applications consist only of a from-like UI with a little bit of flashy animations added (example: "How ironic that you complain about HTML/JS, but do you realize the forum you are complaining on is written in HTML/JS?").

I build windows desktop apps, nothing web-app centric. I don't see why that's ironic.