Oh, goody! Do I get to come up with the entire solution myself? Awesome!
I'd start by reverting all income tax rates back to pre-Dumbya levels.
I'd tax long-term capital gains as regular income except for investments held in IRAs, 401-Ks, and other retirement accounts.
I'd tax all gains on derivatives trading, short sales on equities trading, and real estate flipping at 39%, regardless of your tax bracket.
And that's just for taxes.