Success! Those guys at discountASP.net sure know how to cater to programmers. In five minutes my HelloWorld app worked perfectly, using FTP from inside Visual Studio and following these directions: http://support.discountasp.net/KB/a72/how-do-i-deploy-visual-studio-20082005-visual-web-developer.aspx
Hopefully they also have SQL Server and can allow me to set up web services, but I'll cross that bridge when I find it, and right now I'm very pleased.
Case closed. Thanks to all.