Coffeehouse Thread

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Why I'm An Utter Dork

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  • User profile image
    jamie

    JasonOlson wrote:
    

    LOL. Yes, and it's because I *know* I'm a fat ugly bast*rd . LOL.



    i think big teddy bear is the more acurate description  Smiley

  • User profile image
    Rory

    irascian wrote:
    Great post Rory!

    (Shucks, I feel a group hug coming on)


    I'm down with that Smiley

    I don't shake, but I do hug.

    irascian wrote:
    I think I must be wired different from everyone else because I take insults as a result of my blog entries as a sense of achievement (I just make sure comments are moderated and don't publish the really moronic ones, or the ever-increasing spam ones).

     
    I'm totally fine with disagreement - in the case of the Rory vs. Scoble thing, your comments in particular helped snap me out of it. When someone outright trashes me, I go on the defensive, but perspective from people I know and respect is invaluable.

    irascian wrote:
    Sorry to hear your blog has been the source of pain.

     
    I am, too. It used to be one of the funnest things in my life, but with the trolls who've hopped over from 9, it's turned into a headache. I still write, but I don't post.

    I don't get paid to write. I've always done it for the love of it. So, when the love turned into dread, I decided to back off.

    It sucks because I love the good people I've met through my site, but it's taught me a bit too much about the human capacity and desire to cause pain. I told myself I'd only do it as long as it's fun, and it's not fun anymore. For the past three weeks, I've been seriously thinking about whether to shut the site down or not. I love sharing stories, but I don't like getting cut down for it.

    I don't deserve to be lauded for what I write - it's supposed to be fun - but I also don't deserve to get slammed. I've been a good guy - honest - patient. After four straight years of writing, though, my patience is running out. Sometimes I think life would be a whole lot better if I just moved to the beach, drank coffee, and stayed offline Expressionless

    irascian wrote:
    I've read comments from many people on your blog which make it clear you have quite a following.

     
    A lot of people have been there for me when I've been down. You're one of them - there are a lot of kind people out there, and I love that. It's a comfort to know that not everybody's looking to tear everybody else down. I've been very fortunate to have somehow attracted the readers I have. We've had good times. But people like Chris Rondat (Beer28), foxbar, and so on, have spent a lot of time cutting me down just for the sport of it. And it's not so much that I take those insults to heart - given what they believe, these people obviously don't know me - it's more that I don't like what I'm learning about people in general. There's so much anger and hatred out there, and instead of putting that energy into making the world into someplace they (the trolls, for example) want to live, they punish it for being something else.

    It's getting to be too hard to filter out the negativity. I haven't been innocent there, either. When I started writing, I was very critical. It's been through other people tearing me down that I've been learning to avoid it. It's so much easier to be negative than positive.

    Yup. I don't know...

    irascian wrote:
    I can't think of many people who could blog they're going to be in London for a bite to eat and have a whole bunch of "strangers" make an effort to come and join him. That's popularity, right there!

     
    That visit was one of the high points. I loved it. From the restaurant to the pub, I had a fantastic time. And you showed up with the Doctor Who stuff - I still think about how awesome it was that you brought those gifts. I read and re-read them - in the hostel, on the plane, when I got back to the states - like I said, it's so much easier to be negative, but instead you were uber cool.

    If my community interactions were limited to experiences where people were that kind, I'd write every day for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, that sort of kindness is the exception to the rule. There have been plenty of people who have come to talks I've given who just wanted to heckle. That made it more interesting, but it also made it feel like I was wasting my life. I gave talks because I genuinely felt like I could do a good job. After having been repeatedly frustrated by teachers and speakers, I wanted to try it myself, cutting out as much of the stuff I thought was crap. Got a lot of good comments - was told over and over that I was doing a good job. But, just as there seems to be one screaming baby on every flight, there's at least one person in every audience who, in terrible handwriting, scribbles out some comment about how your presentation sucked (without specifics), you weren't funny, you didn't tell them what they wanted to hear, and so on...

    I just can't figure out why someone would do that. It's beyond rude, and I've been on the receiving end of that sort of thing for years now.

    Some people want attention, money, and other things regardless of what they have to give up in exchange. I don't think I'm one of those people.

    irascian wrote:
    Hopefully the number of people who clearly get a kick out of reading your stuff makes up for all the jerks there are around. You always get jerks, no matter who you are, no matter what you do. Just ignore them or they've won.


    I used to feel the same way. I was concerned about the "ignore them or they've won" part. Nowadays, though, I'm more concerned with being happy. It'd be nice to be happy and beat the jerks, but I haven't yet learned how to do that. If anybody has any tips, by the by, I'd be happy to hear 'em.

    irascian wrote:
    By the way if you were serious when you said "I wish that someone had come along and physically restrained me" I think I know some folks who would definitely get off on that (Dang, there I was being all honest and emotional and I had to finish it all off with a cheap "gay" joke).


    Bah - it's flattering.

    Anyway, I think people have figured out by now that I'm not the straightest thing on earth Smiley

  • User profile image
    jamie

    kettch wrote:
    

    see above



    great post

  • User profile image
    kettch

    Rory wrote:
    I used to feel the same way. I was concerned about the "ignore them or they've won" part. Nowadays, though, I'm more concerned with being happy. It'd be nice to be happy and beat the jerks, but I haven't yet learned how to do that. If anybody has any tips, by the by, I'd be happy to hear 'em.


    We all have some sort of biological need to be loved and accepted. We can develop a "thick skin" that will shield us from negative things thrown our way, but it can never fully protect us. I don't think that there is any way that we can ever rid ourselves of the capacity to be hurt when someone talks bad about us. We will always have to deal with it. If we are hurt when someone slams us, then that lets us know that we are still human.

    The trolls are trolls because they have a need to be accepted. People like Beer28 and Foxbar want to be accepted by their own circle of associates. Yes, it is a group of bitter, annoying, small minded fools, but they still have that basic need to be accepted. They troll because then they can say, "Hey, look at these people who disagree with what we collectively believe. Look at how I call them stupid." Then the group gathers around the troll and pats him/her on the back grunting and hooting excitedly in their strange troll-language.

    For some people the desire to be liked overrides all other considerations. They don't care how badly they make others feel, how ridiculous they look, or how silly their arguments are. All they care about is getting acceptance from people who they somehow esteem. The trolls don't even have to know the people that they are supposed to be impressing. They are happy with the knowledge that their opinion is the same as the group that they identify with.

    Does slowing down or stopping your blogging mean that they have won? No, in fact it serves to show that you are indeed human. That you have the same desire to be accepted. Although, like most people you are able to temper that desire with some degree of reasonableness.

    What is the way to stop the trolls from doing what they do? I have my ideas, but I don't think that this is the appropriate setting to be discussing them. I'm also not sure of the best way to mitigate their effects. In some respects, they are annoying and it just eggs them on to argue with them. On the other hand, they are annoying and debating them serves to make us question our beliefs and motives and self examination can be a good thing.

    Rory, the next time that the trolls go after you, just remember that you have better hair than they do.

  • User profile image
    raymond

    Do not let them get you down.

    Come back soon for a visit.

    Cool

    PS

    Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
    ~Winston Churchill

    http://www.winstonchurchill.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=423

  • User profile image
    ScanIAm

    raymond wrote:
    Do not let them get you down.

    Come back soon for a visit.



    PS

    Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
    ~Winston Churchill

    http://www.winstonchurchill.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=423



    Yes...stay the course.

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