Coffeehouse Thread

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Euenglish

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  • User profile image
    esoteric

    This is not that new/s, but perhaps some of you haven't heard of it yet, if not, then please excuse me.

    The Germans wrote:

    The European Commission has just announced an
    agreement whereby English will be the official
    language of the European Union rather than German,
    which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, the British Government
    conceded that English spelling had some room for
    improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
    that would become known as "Euro-English" . This would
    bring it closer to German.

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
    Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
    joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
    This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
    one less letter. There will be growing publik
    enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome
    "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
    like fotograf 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
    kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
    komplikated changes are possible!

    Governments will enkourage the removal of double
    letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate
    speling.

    Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent
    "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go
    away.

    By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
    replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
    vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
    hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

    Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
    find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united
    urop vil finali kum tru.

    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
    like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

    If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.


    I lik ziz.

  • User profile image
    Lloyd_Humph

    Lol, very good.

    If Blackberrys are addictive cellphones, Channel9 is the ultimate addictive website.
    Last modified
  • User profile image
    JohnAskew

    Gave me the same feeling I get when I'm handed a very long and tedious form to fill out; dreadful... and is this for real (OMG). lol.

    It does become apparent down the list. Funny.

  • User profile image
    mabster

    Lest anyone think this is a new piece, here's the original from Mark Twain:

    http://www.mantex.co.uk/samples/spell.htm

  • User profile image
    Nightengale

    Looks Orwellian:O

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