Some of you may have noticed that I went missing for a few weeks. Coworkers sent links to threads and messages in which you pondered my disappearance.
It's all pretty simple. I had what I think was a nervous breakdown. I had always wondered what the term meant. I guess it's one of those things that you can't define until you've had one.
Since then, I've been diagnosed (for the fifth time) as being bipolar. I always ignored this diagnosis because I didn't want it to be true.
However, on the right meds (lithium and lamictal), I've come around a bit. Feeling much more stable than I think I've ever felt. No drugs in my system. Quitting one antidepressant that I don't need. After that, it'll just be the bipolar meds.
I'm now coming back to Microsoft on a partial medical leave of absence. That's the long version of "I'm going to work four hours a day until I'm not as crazy."
I feel like I'm starting over entirely. I've sort of forgotten how to do my job, and I almost went into the women's restroom today. It was the pink tile work that saved me from going any farther than the doorway.
That's where I've been.
I think it's good to be back, but it's too early to tell. I'm cautiously optimistic about things around here, but it might be that corporate life isn't for me (not this team specifically - these are the best people I've ever worked with).