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News Bull-iten from MSFT ;)

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  • User profile image
    jamie

    ***FAKE****FAKE*****FAKE*****FAKE*****

    Microsoft (MSFT) today announced what amounts to a startling turn of events for the company, investors and end users of all Windows based micro-computers:

    "Today, we change history." quipped an obviously tense Steve Ballmer as he proceeded out on stage to lay it on the line for investors and customers worldwide.

    "You know us....as the company that wins...The company that competes!" - he said to roars of enthusiasm.
    "The company - that won't let a little thing called FREE SOFTWARE get in the way of our plans!" ( more roars of approval)

    "Well today my friends, I bring news - of a changed company, in a changed industry. And I will show you what our cash reserves are for!"
    (Standing Ovation)

    Ballmer: teary eyed:

    "As of next Monday, all Microsoft Windows Software will be free - in a base version, that omits many features. But the underlining Operating system that is the windows core will be FREE!"

    More cheers .. rustling - people sitting down - shuffling.

    Moderator: Shh shh..

    Ballmer:  "There will be NO bigger dividends - We are concentrating on the biggest fight of our lives, and will not fall prey to ANY disruptive technology - or an "Innovators Dilemma" scenario!"  (Gates - stands from his seat and bows - to much wild screams of "I love you bill!" from the younger females in the audience.)

    "Today - we face a tough - but necessary decision: To become irrelevant? or to overcome!" (yet more roars)

    "for it is today - we announce - the Microsoft Pledge of Honor

    "The first agenda - is for our loyal users & developers. The second is to our investors. And the third is to our competitors" - he continued: "All Windows core OS plumbing is now FREE"
    [standing ovation]

    "And may the source be with you!" 
    [too many flash bulbs to count - much chatter]

    "We have always been,  and will continue to be the MEANING of growth! Financially & spiritually in our industry..."

    Audience hushes

    "We can’t have it both ways." pronounced Ballmer, a proud Gates looking on in the distance.

    "Our stockade of cash - can only last so long, I'm not here to lie or paint pretty pictures: only one of the truth.  And that truth is, my friends, partners and customers that WE... ARE... READY!"

    ROOOOOAAARRRRR!

    "WE WILL NOT BE AN IBM!"
    ...crickets....

    "I MEAN WE WILL NOT BE LIKE THE OLD IBM!"

    ROOOOOOOAAARRR!

    "WE will understand the core philosophies of Software as a way of life - not just functionally, but personally!"

    ROOOAAARRR!

    "A time has come upon us, where we must adjust our model, the practices that have served us so well for over 25 years. The is a new threat and to combat this threat, for that - we need what we have worked so hard to build: our reserves!. but I tell you..."

    audience hushes...

    "In 5 years time, Microsoft stock will be DOUBLE what it is today.. do you hear me - DOUBLE! We have had our investors’ interests in mind all along - and that interest is CHANGE!"

    bla bla more roars.

    Wink

    ok - that was long winded but it was fun pretending

     

  • User profile image
    Manip

    Your an idiot. 

              
    Enough said.

  • User profile image
    jamie

    Why thank you! I pride myself on being just that: http://www.grininc.ca


  • User profile image
    jamie

    ..cmon - it didnt grab you in .. even ..a bit?

    i think thats what MS needs - a battleship turning event (again Wink

  • User profile image
    Charles

    Manip wrote:

    Your an idiot. 

              
    Enough said.


    Let's play nice, Manip. Remember, people are free to express their opinions here. It's best to just not reply to posts you don't like or that you find offensive or consider pointless.


    Keep on posting,

    Charles

  • User profile image
    jamie

    Hey Charles - thanks.

    I actually - attempted to "write" the above "pointless" diatribe..

    still think its not so pointless however..
    * ok its pointless - but wouldnt that be cool?

    ** Someway - there is a way to pull this off -

    STOP SPENDING MONEY ON REFUTABLE SURVEYS PEOPLE KNOW YOUVE BOUGHT TO COUNTER LINUX THREAT - JUST SPEAK THE TRUTH!

    Smiley

  • User profile image
    Loadsgood

    You...

    1. Type to much $#!+ and
    2. Have a lot less people reading by saying fake at the start and not at the end.

    I want to start a petition to stop jargon like that getting on the channel 9 site. Actually I think I might...

  • User profile image
    surferdude

    Hey Channel9 guys,

    Maybe it's time to implement /.'s form of censorship - moderation. Granted, we'll be much more centered in our use of it than that crowd. But at least we'll be able to filter out detritus like this.

    -surferdude

  • User profile image
    jamie

    i dont know how more obvious i could have made it - that it was a fake article - Bull-iten..  ***fake**fake** across top..


    also - it was all a joke - but started with press conference with balmer admiting an MS change of ways - i agree it did end with a "stop paying for fake surveys"
    but the overall point was the same..
    do something big





  • User profile image
    mindragon

    Microsoft changed the world already...how much bigger can it get?

    Anyway...The coming Nanotech revolution will change everything. Maybe Microsoft will get it...then again, maybe there will be another upstart created in a void that Microsoft, like IBM, created. Stay tuned.

  • User profile image
    jamie

    ANSWER:  ...... A  LOT!!!   BIGGER


    just gotta stop FREAKIN everyone out.. trust your customers..bla bla Smiley

  • User profile image
    Charles

    mindragon wrote:
    The coming Nanotech revolution will change everything. Maybe Microsoft will get it...


    Maybe we will... Wink



    jamie wrote:


    trust your customers...



    We do.

    It's good to express yourself in an honest way. Your post was not offensive or hurtful to any individuals. And look, we're discussing something. Smiley


    Keep on posting,

    Charles

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