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    Those pillows chafe the roof of my mouth until rolls of skin fall out.

    This just in from the Onion:

    SPRINGFIELD, MA—The roof of area resident Meredith Kjell's mouth is in serious condition Tuesday following her consumption of three bowls of Cap'n Crunch cereal. "We believe most of the roof can be salvaged," Dr. David Kim told reporters. "But grafts may be necessary to replace many of the ribbons of flesh gouged from Miss Kjell's palate by this brutally crunchy pre-sweetened breakfast food.",4131/

    It is distressing to want to eat something that causes such direct pain.

    I castigate thee, Captain Crunch. Go to Britan!